she must have misunderstood me...

Just when I was about to call it a day, my phone was beeping. I wondered who would send message at this time of the hour. Ah I see. It was Jess. As far as I am concern, that’s the last thing that I ever wanted from her. Nothing personal though. Just want to bury the hatchet. My last encountered with her ended up quite awfully unexpected. I mean sleeping with her was nothing but more of a nuisance to me. She’s a nice person but it was a mistake nevertheless. Having a relationship with a friend that you hardly take time to notice before was a bad spontaneous decision I made. Anyway it’s past tense and let bygone be bygone. Enough said.

When I read the messages from my phone, I just couldn’t believe that she have got hold of Radin phone number. I think she has misunderstood my intention when I rang her up a day earlier. Since Jess happens to be her friend and I couldn’t get my call thru whenever I try to call Radin, it makes me worry sick that something bad might had happened to her. All I want to know was her well-being. That’s it. Nothing more nothing less. From the way I see it, it seems that she wants something to bloom out of my friendship with Radin.

I guess she still doesn’t really know me. I’m not kinda guy who’s keen on hooking up with any girls that I like. When I like someone, it’s just a preference; not a statement of commitment or anything beyond that. Can’t blame her though, I know she has good intention but I don’t do charity.



Anyway, I do appreciate her effort and stuff like that because it means that she is trying to mend the friendship that we used to have. But I think we best remain a stranger to each other…

no stressball...no problem

Ah…time was almost 7pm, still didn’t feel like leaving the office. Could see that some of my colleagues started to leave one by one. Not far from my cubicle, Tang was seen with a toy gun in his hand. Must be some squirting gun. I might soon need one so that I can blow out the mainframe server wherever it might reside, because most of the time it was always congested with submitted jobs that it would normally slow down the whole process of running my batch. Damn!. Don’t they have any patch or cheat codes or something. Thirty minutes later, the execution time started to pick up the pace. And by 8pm, I finally finished all the required jobs. Phew that was a torturing experience.

******

It’s been weeks now that I’ve been longing to buy myself a dartboard. People I know normally have stress ball on their desk, but are u kidding me?! Where’s the fun in that? (well some people do…I guess). The act of throwing something against something whenever I’m in angst is like getting rid of that negative vibe (or whatever they supposed to call that) from my stressful mind could do just fine.

Once in my room, as I was taking off my dress before I headed on to the washroom for a shower, I suddenly felt the urge to try out my new dartboard. And so there I was, only with my boxer left on, throwing these darts one after another when Milo walked into my room thru the gap between the door openings. It came in with a funny look on its face. Was it because it never saw a grown up adult playing dart semi naked or it simply never saw that dartboard before. Never can tell the difference. Could careless of what you think kitty, coz I just got myself a new dartboard woo hoo… . Now just can’t wait to hang it by my cubicle.

ah...it's Sunday again

Decided to go to the office to check on some mails just in case there was sumthing from Carmen, the lady from the Hong Kong team. She might had sent something about starting the 7th cycle batch job. Just as I was about to step on the bus steps, my phone was ringing and it’s my dad. He asked me to accompany my mom to KLIA who happened to be with another colleague of her. Looks like I have to postpone my trip back to the office today. And perhaps I could miss the Church session this evening. Quite likely.

It 4:17pm, and I’m finally back on my own. Went to check for ticket back to the city when a lady behind the counter said that the earliest coach to leave for the city was for another 2 hours. What a luck! I was going to miss my mass. As I was stepping away from the counter disappointed of course, someone was hissing on me. What was that for?! So I approached them only to find out that they could drive me back to city without buying that damn ticket from the counter. At RM15 from them instead? Heck why not! When the deal was sealed, I went to a spot where they would pick me up with that very same couch. As I was walking toward that spot under the bridge, I could see my own reflection from the mirrors installed at every entrance. I swear to God, I looked awfully stupendous with my drink on my right hand and freshly lighted cigarette on my left. Unfortunately that very reflection that I saw of myself won’t be emulated anytime soon when girls are everywhere to be impressed. That is the idea isn’t it?

*****
Once in the office, the first thing that I did was to check on my inbox. Guess I was right, she did sent an email stating that I could start running the batch jobs. Wasted no time, instead of starting the cycle tomorrow morning, I bet I would be better off if I start it now. By 9:53pm, I almost finished up the whole jobs. At 75% percent done for a two-day process, not bad.

Time to leave the cubicle. So I looked around and nobody was there except me! Can’t believe I’ve been working in that office alone. All these creepy stories that my colleagues told me start to tease on my nerve. Being the last one to leave the office mean that I have to switch off these lights whether I liked it or not. When I did so, I was left alone in total darkness. I managed to take a last glimpse of the place which was filled with hundreds of deserted cubicles in each phase. At this moment, better not having any stupid thought I mumbled. Was that funny? I think so! Coz nothing happened. But what if…?

look what i've found...some weeks old pix...

daniel (with andy fingers stuck on his head) and me


well...tht's me with some of my colleagues at the pantry...
(ah bee, 'me', winnie and nava)

i wet my pants...wtf!

Woke up in the middle of the night, didn’t know why but for sure I think I’ve wet my boxer. WTF!!! At first I thought I’ve pee in my pant only to realize that it’s the term that I kinda missed for a very very long time - ‘wet dream’. How on earth could this happen. All I know is that wet dream normally occurs when some teenager is dreaming of sensual stuff like ergg you know. But mine was well…as much as I can recalled is that I was behind the wheels driving this one cool superb car… and the next thing when I woke up, I wet my boxer. Sh*t!

Knew pretty damn well that I wont be pleased at all, I reluctantly took off my boxer, and walla! I was semi-naked and I was going to sleep with my thingy artistically/‘beautifully’ exposed to the night chilly weather (and with the table fan blowing by my bedside...it just didn't help at all!!!)...Gosh! It’s freezing down there. For a while, I just couldn't sleep. It just didn't feel right, i mean sleeping with nothing on...except for my shirt. Now that was when the things of the past kept rushing down my memory lanes. How it reminded me of the moments when I slept with her (and her as well). It was warmth and totally in contrast to whatever you want to call my state of condition was. How I missed that moment…

Perhaps it’s a sign that I’m moving to another phase in my life. This all come down to one fateful day which happened to be my birthday. Among other things that I wish for was that I would remain celibate for as long as it takes. No more sleepover at some stranger’s room (even my housemates never realized this…oops), no more porns and etc. I was quite certain that with all of these activities going on, it affected my memory in one way or another. The ability that I used to proud of. I believe that the more I did these things, the more likely that I forget things easily. It’s like my mind dropped tremendously to which it was close enough for me of being dumb.

That was then, and this is now...i guess my mind is much clearer now and focused. The celibacy thingy…I wonder how long it would last…

too much of a gesture

As usual, Daniel would come over to my cubicle and took some of my Pringles. If not that, then he must be bored to death having nothing to do the whole day in the office. I think he must have been damned frustrated to find out that his contract was extended instead of u know… and that was last Friday. But today he seems a bit jovial and perhaps out of tunes.

After lunch, we decided to go down for a break, taking a puff or two, can’t remember. But what I did remember was that we laughed out loud like nobody business when the old guy who I assumed to be the owner of this small café gave an unexpected verbal gesture as to show that I’m a no-good in smoking. With that in his sight, Daniel laughed hysterically as to assume that I s*cked his old cock before. Damn embarrassing moment. That’s low…real low.

Being the Daniel that I know, he never missed the opportunities to have his corrupted mind runs the mill. Back in the office, he was ‘complaining’ that he wasn’t able to focus on things that he was supposed to do. Yeah right, like you have anything better to do I thought to myself.

I didn’t mind what have happened a while ago (instead it was funny but in a wicked way), as long he could keep his thought out of the misery knowing damn well he would never be pleased with that contract extension. Of course I have to admit that I did enjoy the moment. But that should only occur only once…ok buddy?. Now it make me wonder why he finds s*cking c*ck is so amusing? perhaps...nah...pity that old guy...

my absence of mind...

went to the office today but none of my ‘weekend’ colleagues were to be found. Met up with Ady and Marina after the mass session. We decided to have some drinks at The Dome. I’ve waited for my drink for like half an hour before I asked one of the waitresses to check on my drink. After some five good minutes, I suddenly recalled that I never have actually order any drink. What an embarrassment. Luckily I wasn’t in the state of fury when I sent for the waitress a moment ago. Phew… a light chuckle did occurred between those two…c’mon lar you can’t expect me to remember everything even few minutes ago…

my future is decided today...

Today was the day when we were to meet Mrs. Liza, a correspondent from the HR department. She would brief us on our future in the company. From the way she was saying it, there would be only two outcomes – either it’s a 6-month extension of contract or being converted to permanent position. Where I, like most of my colleagues, hoping for the latter instead. The meeting was scheduled to be held by 10a.m. I never really welcomed such a timing since today was the day I was running the Taiwan batch in its 5th cycle without the presence of my mentor - Jess. Feeling a bit anxious the whole day. But missing the meeting was a bad idea nevertheless.

As we were told during the meeting, we were to expect the letter which would decide our fate from our corresponding Senior Manager. Some of my colleagues have got theirs while some of us still left waiting in despair. I have to admit that I hate the waiting game. It makes me losing my focus on things that I am supposed to do. Desperation, fear blabla you name it.

About 5:30pm, still haven’t got mine. What am I gonna do till then without knowing my future in the company. I need to know NOW. Fully aware that it’ll drive into total madness just by thinking about it. Ah no, that’s not the right word. Speculating is.

It was 7 minutes before 6pm when someone stood by my cubicle, with her holding several envelopes. Could it be it? As she was about to present that fateful letter she said convincingly “This letter is regarding your contract and I would like to welcome you aboard.” I was so thrilled when I heard that very words. What a day…a very good day indeed!

Today my day end with a bang! …finally…

a friend hung up on me...what ah?

After lunch thought of Mag, so I called her up to say hi. The conversation was pretty much ‘empty’ and dry. Always like that if I do thing spontaneously. But this time, while she was saying something, she suddenly hung up the phone. Now I not kinda guy who like to assume things so I better not speculate what happened back then. It was odd to end a conversation like that or in other manner of saying – it’s not normal, simply not. You get this feeling when people slammed the door in your face, that’s how I felt.

Marina does that as well whenever she argues with Ady. Maybe sometimes she was just being angry with me for something I did or didn’t do. Something not significant enough to take notice of. Like there were times when I brought a girl back to my room, she slammed the door and even locked the adjoining bathroom door.

As of today, whatever the reasons, it doesn’t really matter. I have too many things to be anxious about. Like looking for new place to move in to, be it apartment or even condominium. And the fact that Jess would be taking her annual leave this coming Friday while mine was not approved by Tang (thanks to our packed development schedule). Ironic?

Come to think of it, I think he’s got the point, since my leaves fall on the same week as when we’re doing UAT (quite a critical stage of development I must say). I don’t really mind waiting for another month before flying back to my hometown. I miss my parents, siblings and yes, Mooroocoo (pronounced as Muruku) my dog…short legs a.k.a. 'kontot' breed

******

I was unusually early to leave the office and manage to get home by seven something. Went straight to bed as to rest for a while when Ady came into my room around 10 something and woke me up for a supper in Bangsar. Wait…Where’s that again?

I was so bloody thirsty that ordered the drink three times. Didn’t know what to eat. Roti? Definitely not a good idea because I heard either one of them told me once that their friend ate some roti at some Mamak stall and it smell like poo. When they ask the roti guy, they found out that he just came back from the washroom plus he was seen wearing a ring on his left hand. Now you get the idea. I know it’s hard to believe without ended up being the person that ate that roti yourself. Anyway better be safe than sorry. It sounds silly! I know.

******

Ah ha…I just realized that Zairul had lent me some Jap Anime movies. Couldn’t wait to watch one. So there I was, all set-up to watch it (I didn’t watch any DVDs for quite sometime now) when it only lasted for 30 seconds before I stop abruptly. It’s not liked any anime I have watch before with the like of kiddies character like Doraemon or something but it was an animated semi-porn cartoon.

WTF!!! I was confused (and amused at the same time). I’ve stop watching those porn stuff for quite sometime now (well…since my last birthday of course). I wanted to And now…it’s just errggh bad-timing. Ady was at the other room when he overheard me fumbling. When he found out why, the VCDs ended up in his laptop drive.

Phew! That was closed to ruin my clean sheet of watching any of those stuffs…ever! I hope so…

the day i barricade myself in my cubicle

ady and marina would start their one-week leave as of today and how I wish I could afford such a luxury – taking my days off as well. But at present, it would be too impossible for me to be away from my work. Not that I can’t but I just love doing these new tasks, I mean running the batch jobs is extremely soothing as it’s one of the way to propel my empty mind from wandering off thinking of things that wouldn’t matter anyway.

******

today was the day I present myself with my new look, new hairstyle to be exact. You see when I saw myself in the mirror last Saturday, I didn’t really like what I saw. I never thought that I would ever come to the office with this new hairdo. as much as I have expected last night, most of my colleagues were left dumbfounded with my new hairdo. You know how it felt when people around you trying hard to figure out the reason why I did what I did to my hair. Ah…none of it really matter to me coz sooner or later, they could use to some adjustment at the way they look at me…time will tells…I thought to myself hopefully. The feeling was horrendous…funny eh?

since I didn’t want to ‘traumatized’ my colleagues, I guess I would be better off if I minimized my movement that needs me to walk away from my cubicle. Need to barricade myself i thought to myself. Perhaps today was the most low-profile I’ve ever been in the office. Something I did laugh at the whole situation. What a day…sigh

******

came home finally. As usual, Milo would run to the sliding door as if she knew that I’m back. Walk straight up to my room, exhausted by the whole thing that happen in the office. I didn’t even gave an effort to chat with Nicole knowing very well of my ‘condition’. When I didn’t feel good about myself (my appearance to be precise), I tend to shun myself away from people. Today was not quite an inspiring day at all. lying on my unmade bed, only for that cute kitten jumping enthusiastically onto me, hoping that I would play with it and massage it belly as usual. Not today kitty...I thought but it kept being persistent that it even tried to find its way thru my bed sheet as I cover my face with it (hoping that it knows that I was not in the mood). Whenever she does this, with it nose finally sniffing about my face, it just make me forgot the uneventful day that I had back in the office.

Late for the mass session...

I was late for my mass as I hurriedly made my way from the office. When I was at the church entrance, everyone else was already comfortably seating at their seat listening thru the first reading. Today seems to be not a Sunday that I have always wanted it to be. There was a time when the choir was singing a hymn when the pitching was so out of tune, and the music didn’t missed the blame, that I managed to chuckle a bit. oh yes, that pretty choir girl wasn’t in the group. I wonder where she was but it felt so wrong just by thinking of it since I was supposed to pray… do I ever?

******

around 8 in the evening, I made my way back to the office and it didn’t surprised me at all when I saw Eddie Chung was at his cubicle. I wonder what brought him here every weekends. Heard him talking from times to times, that some of our colleagues bold enough to say that he is not local, not Malaysian. Well I guess they were right because from the way he speaks, he sounded more like someone from Hong Kong.

me, Sabestian and Susan my ex-colleagues back in Kuching 

my bad hair days ahead...

* Woke up late today with a headache spoiling my day start. That I would simply assumed that I skipped dinner last night. Went downstairs and met my housemates when they convinced me to go with to Amcorp Mall for lunch. We ended up in a packed Korean Restaurant. Tried their tomato mee and maybe I was curious whether it was as good as the one in Willie Cafe. The verdict? Not quite as good though. Even worst, i knew that it wouldn’t help much in filling up my empty stomach. Ouch!
* Since Bibi...oops she didn't like to be called that, I mean Marcia informed us that she would be joining us later that afternoon in Amcorp Mall, we decided to stroll the ground floor and it happened to have this weekly sales on used item. Bought a novel called 'Armadillo' by William Boyd for a RM5!!! i didn't exactly knew the reason why I bought the novel. Perhaps due to it well preserved bright green cover. Of course I did read it hypnosis and looks like it a good buy after all.
* Should come here more often on weekends I thought to myself. I just don’t why that i always ended up buying novels one after another. I mean I just bought myself a new novel by Ruth Rendell called 'Thirteen Steps Down' at The Borders a few days ago. And it's no coincidence that the novel has this Light/Dark green cover, which I like so much. Must be the interesting cover.

*Later that evening, went to meet up with Rozie, coz I’ve asked her or him or whatever, to come along with me coz I need to get my hair done but haven’t decided which saloon to go for this re-bonding thingy. The treatment lasted for two hours, from the way i see it, my hair looks awfully deflated. And that's not all, now my hair looked even drier than before. There goes my money...

* Ah...now the thought of going back to the office start to fright me damn well...are you kidding me?! With this deflated hair...oh gosh! Should I go...ah missing the workday might not be problem after all, but what about the Sunday Mass?! Darn it! Would my promises that I made on my last Birthday could withstand such a situation...let's see what may come...

cool tunnel huh...the lense was intentionally blurred so tht it was slow enough to capture the lighting but not me :-( 

batch run cycle two...

* came to office quite early today because i was scheduled to run the batch for the 2nd cycle and shall i say that it wont cause any much problems. Anyway just keep my fingers crossed.
* right before lunchtime, Nicole came to my cubicle and did something amusing. She came and took some of my Pringles. What a way to start a conversation.
* after lunch decided to smoke with a collegue of mine and from time to time, i tried to converse in Mandarin with Daniel. just not a bad way to relive the laguange i've learned since primray school.
* as i was walking back to my cubicle, i noticed that Nicole was walking from the opposite direction but this time she had this smiley face streched so wide that made me to assume that she have something to show me. yes indeed. she said that she just bought this Da Vinci Code novel. i'm kinda surprised because i never thought she would go to the extent of buying one when i recommended her to buy that novel few weeks ago.

ah...i didn't know tht she's behind me...coz she wasn't supposed to be there...(we thought tht she still in her cubicle...but...tht's the surprised face...priceless!!! 

see? i told u...showing my silly face (type 5) 

here comes Jamie 'King' - the b-day 'promoter'! oh what?

lunctime. i was talking to Chiang when KK, Kah Wei and Andy came to join us and they decided to go for lunch somewhere outside so invited us to come along as well. Since i didn't have the luxury to spend the time outside the office even for lunch, (Chiang was not able to join them as well due to workload) i have to ask Andy to tapao some for food for me. and that was the moment when i heard Kah Wei mumbling something. "Fuck you all..." and he moved away from us. i mean what's his problem? as far as i can remember, we didn't think that we were talking to him. When i heard this, i just lose my cool and said "Say that again, i'll whack your face!!!". for a moment there was silence in my head... and it just not me...(i dunno where i got the attitude). Kah Wei heard that well and probably so stunned that all he could do was to force a smile on his face, and walked away. just dont know what coz me to say those words to him...

******

a colleague of mine - Nava was having her birthday today so I decided to broadcast the news to the rest of our colleagues, in the hope of giving her a surprised birthday bash. I even let them called me Jamie King ‘The birthday Promoter’ (this Don King guy who for some is a manipulative but successful boxing bout promoter).

The plan was simple. Get her to the pantry where all 16 of us would be waiting there in silence, and by the time she stepped into the room, wahlaaa….but everything seemed to contradict my plan. I just found out that her team was to have a meeting at the Pahang Room between 4pm to who knows when would it ends. Between that duration of time, we seemed to be spamming each other with the plan B.

Anyway it’s was about time for most of us to leave the office and still Nava was nowhere to be seen. Honestly as the mastermind behind this birthday bash, I never thought that I would need a Plan B. now it’s seven minutes past 6p.m. where is she? I thought to myself oh wait!!! Isn’t that Nava?..oh ya it is!!! It just so happen that their meeting has just ended. Relief. At first we thought of going to the pantry and celebrated it there but since everyone was too eager either to have a bite of the cake or simply can’t wait any longer to go home, a spontaneous thought just came to me which was to bring the cake to her cubicle instead and the rest of us would follow from behind and as we approaching her cubicle, we would sing the birthday song. So I ask Chiang and Nel to get the cake while I checked on her plus by asking KK to delay her a bit from moving away from her cubicle.

I do have to admit that since today was her birthday and nobody seems to bother to wish her or anything, I did notice that she looked a bit gloomy. Anyway as Chiang was on his way with the cake, I think it would be better if the rest of us stayed out of her sight until the cake was almost at her cubicle. Now since the office is divided into multiple phases, going from one phase to another required one to use one of the two entrances which are on either side of the building. Since at that moment we were all gathering at Phase One while she was at her cubicle packing her stuff in Phase Two. The chance was that she wouldn’t know what we have in stored for her. So the final touch was to light the candles, and before I could even finish lighting up the last candle, I could sensed that she was behind me and when I turned around, there she was standing there looking very surprised and that gloomy face that she have the whole was gone. And yup few candid photos were taken by our unofficial photographer – Seng Chai.

Just by seeing this, I realized that masterminding the event really paid off after all even though I was packed with things to do. (Still later that day, have to stay back in the office till 9pm.)

early day i must say

* came to office quite early at 7.50a.m.
* by 8.40a.m. the jobs tht kept me awake till late in the morning were finally done.

another Sunday...

* drop my stuff at the office before heading my way to St. John Cathedral.
* arrive there just in time for the mass and i saw that pretty choir girl. looks like she's preparing for sumthing, must be the singing between the reading i guess.
* guess i was right, she sang and the voice was not bad lar because she was singing halfheartedly

my first time running batch (TW)

* woke up very early today, arrived at the office around 7:50am.
* Jess asked me to run the batch process.
* as expected, i did encountered a lot of problems. Mean that i have to skip my lunch. Looks like i need one my colleagues to tapao for me.

a birthday bash for a colleague

* sent out mail to my colleagues reminding them of Faiezul's B-day
* so i decided to do something about it because i still remember how it felt when my colleagues throwed a birthday luncheon for me.

* since most of us quite busy lately, we decided that it would be better if we just buy the cake somewhere in Amcorp. Aiesas told me that in Subway, they do have cakes and so we decided to buy an 500g cake.

* dont let the weight fools you because all the way back to office with me carrying the cake, it felt like the weight was more than i have presumed.

* everything was set and everyone was waiting for the birthday boy at the pantry when by the time when i was supposed to